'When will that be?'
ALICE. 'Not for some time.'
COLONEL. 'He isn't a bad sort, Steve.'
ALICE. 'Oh, no--she might even do worse some day. But she is to be my little girl for a long time first.'
COLONEL. 'This will give him a sort of glamour to her, you know.'
ALICE. 'You are not really thinking, Robert, that my Amy is to fall asleep to-night before she hears the whole true story. Could I sleep until she knows everything!'
COLONEL. 'Stupid of me. I am a little like Steve in one way, though; I don't understand why you have kept it up so long.'
ALICE. 'It isn't the first time you have thought me a harum-scarum.'
COLONEL. 'It isn't.'
ALICE. 'The sheer fun of it, Robert, went to my head, I suppose. And then, you see, the more Amy felt herself to be my protectress the more she seemed to love me. I am afraid I have a weakness for the short cuts to being loved.'
COLONEL. 'I'm afraid you have. The one thing you didn't think of is that the more she loves you the less love she seems to have for me.'
ALICE. 'How selfish of you, Robert.'
COLONEL, suspiciously, 'Or was that all part of the plan?' ALICE. 'There was no plan; there wasn't time for one. But you were certainly rather horrid, Robert, in the way you gloated over me when you saw them take to you. I have been gloating a little perhaps in taking them from you.'
COLONEL. 'Them? You are going a little too fast, my dear. I have still got Cosmo and Molly.'
ALICE. Tor the moment.'
COLONEL. 'Woman.'
ALICE. 'Remember, Amy said you must not call me that.'
He laughs as he takes her by the shoulders.
'Yes, shake me; I deserve it.'
COLONEL. 'You do, indeed,' and he shakes her with a ferocity that would have startled any sudden visitor. No wonder, then, that it is a shock to Cosmo, who comes blundering in. Alice is the first to see him, and she turns the advantage to unprincipled account.
ALICE. 'Robert, don't hurt me. Oh, if Cosmo were to see you!'
COSMO. 'Cosmo does see him.' He says it in a terrible voice. Probably Cosmo has been to a theatre or two himself.
ALICE. 'You here, Cosmo!'
She starts back from her assailant.
COLONEL, feeling a little foolish, 'I didn't hear you come in.'
COSMO, grimly, 'No, I'm sure you didn't.'
COLONEL, testily, 'No heroics, my boy.'
COSMO. 'Take care, father.' He stands between them, which makes his father suddenly grin. 'Laugh on, sir. I don't know what this row's about, but'--here his arm encircles an undeserving lady--'this lady is my mother, and I won't have her bullied. What's a father compared to a mother.'
ALICE. 'Cosmo, darling Cosmo.'
COLONEL, becoming alarmed, 'My boy, it was only a jest. Alice, tell him it was only a jest.'
ALICE. 'He says it was only a jest, Cosmo.'
COSMO. 'You are a trump to shield him, mother.' He kisses her openly, conscious that he is a bit of a trump himself, in which view Alice most obviously concurs.
COLONEL, to his better half, 'You serpent.'
COSMO. 'Sir, this language won't do.'
COLONEL, exasperated, 'You go to bed, too.'
ALICE. 'He has sent Amy to bed already. Try to love your father, Cosmo,' placing many kisses on the spot where he had been slapped. Try for my sake, and try to get Amy and Molly to do it, too.' Sweetly to her husband, 'They will love you in time, Robert; at present they can think only of me. Darling, I'll come and see you in bed.'
COSMO. 'I don't like to leave you with him--'
ALICE. 'Go, my own; I promise to call out if I need you.'
On these terms Cosmo departs. The long-suffering husband, arms folded, surveys his unworthy spouse.
COLONEL. 'You are a hussy.'
ALICE, meekly, 'I suppose I am.'
COLONEL. 'Mind you, I am not going to stand Cosmo's thinking this of me.'
ALICE. 'As if I would allow it for another hour! You won't see much of me to-night, Robert. If I sleep at all it will be in Amy's room.' COLONEL, lugubriously, 'You will be taking Molly from me to-morrow.'
ALICE. 'I feel hopeful that Molly, too, will soon be taking care of me.' She goes to him in her cajoling way: 'With so many chaperones, Robert, I ought to do well.