In fact always."
"Very well, then there must be some one to put them straight again, must there not?"
None of the children could say that there was not. Tineboy alone was heard to mutter to himself, "I don't believe it."
The schoolmaster began again -
"The Alphabet Doctor was sitting down to his tea. He was very tired, for he had been out attending cases all day."
Tineboy again interrupted, "What cases?"
"I can tell you. He had to put in an i which had been omitted, and to alter the leg of an R which had been twisted into a B.
"Well, just as he was beginning his tea a hurried knock came to the door. He went to the door, opened it, and a groom rushed into the room, breathless with running, and said -
"'Oh, Doctor, do come quick; there is a frightful calamity down at our place.'"
"'What is our place?' said the doctor."
"'Oh, you know. The Number Stables.'"
"What are the Number Stables?" said Tineboy, again interrupting.
"The Number Stables," said the Teacher, "are the stables where the numbers are kept."
"Why are they kept in stables?" said Tineboy.
"Because they go so fast."
"How do they go fast?"
"You take a sum and work it and you will see at once. Or look at your multiplication table; it starts with twice one are two, and before you get down the page you are at twelve times twelve. Is that not fast going?"
"Well, they have to keep the numbers in sables, or else they would run away altogether and never be heard of again. At the end of the day they all come home and change their shoes, and get tied up and have their supper."
"The Groom from the Number Stables was very impatient."
"'What is wrong?' said the Doctor."
"'Oh, poor 7, sir.'"
"'What of him?'"
"'He is mortal bad. We don't think he'll ever get through it.'"
"'Through what?' said the Doctor."
"'Come and see,' said the Groom."
"The Doctor hurried away, taking the lantern with him, for the night was dark, and soon got to the Stables."
"As he got close there was a very curious sound heard - a sound of gasping and choking, and yelling and coughing, and laughing, and a wild, unearthly screech all in one."
"'Oh, do come quick!' said the Groom."
"When the Doctor entered the stables there was poor No. 7 with all the neighbours round him, and he was in a very bad way. He was foaming at the mouth and apparently quite mad. The Nurse from the Grammar Village was holding him by the hand, trying to bleed him. All the neighbours were wringing either their hands or their necks, or were helping to hold him. The Footsmith, - the man," explained the teacher, seeing from the look on Tineboy's face that he was going to ask a question, "the man who puts the feet on the letters and numbers to make them able to stand upright without wearing out, - was holding down the poor demented nuumber."
"The Nurse, trying to quiet him, said:"
"'There now, there now, deary - don't go and make a noise. Here comes the good Alphabet Doctor, who will make you unmad.'"
"'I won't be made unmad,' said 7, loudly."
"'But, my good sir,' said the Doctor, 'this cannot go on. You surely are not mad enough to insist on being mad?'"
"'Yes, I am,' said 7, loudly."
"'Then,' said the Doctor blandly, 'if you are mad enough to insist on being mad, we must try to cure your madness or being mad, and then you will be unmad enough to wish to be unmad, and we will cure that too.'"
"I don't understand that,'' said Tineboy.
"Hush!" said the class.
"The Doctor took out his stethoscope, and his telescope, and his microscope, and his horoscope, and began to use them on poor mad 7."
"First he put the stethoscope to the sole of his foot, and began to talk into it."
"'That is not the way to use that,' said the Nurse; 'you ought to put it to his chest and listen to it.'"
"'Not at all, my dear madam,' said the bland Doctor, 'that is the way with sane people; but, of course, when one is insane, the fact of the disease necessitates an opposite method of treatment.' Then he took the telescope and looked at him to see how near he was, and the microscope to look how small; and then he drew his horoscope."
"Why did he draw it?" said Tineboy.
"Because, my dear child," said the Teacher, "do you not see that by right a horoscope is cast; but as the poor man was mad the horoscope had to be drawn."
"What is a horrorscope?" said Tineboy.
"It is not horrorscope, my child; it is horoscope - a very different thing."
"Well, what is horoscope?"
"Look in your dictionary, my dear child," said the Teacher.
"Well, when the doctor had used all the instruments, he said, 'I use all these in order to find the scope of the disease. I shall now proceed to find the cause. In the first instance, I shall interrogate the patient.'"
"'Now, my good sir, why do you insist on being mad?'"
"'Because I choose.'"
"'Oh, my dear sir, that is not a polite answer.